Stories of Freedom From Domestic Violence
Trigger warning- this page contains real life stories of women who have experienced abuse in various forms. Please read at your own discretion.
We met when I moved to America. I had only been in the States for a few months. Me and my family went out to eat and he was working at the restaurant as a waiter. We connected almost automatically. He was funny and charming, and invited me to hang out with him and his friends at the college nearby.
My initial thoughts of him were that he was fun and down to earth. A little careless, I guess you could say, about the way he dressed and what others thought at the time. We fell into a relationship pretty soon after I met him, although I was a little hesitant, mostly because I had just moved here and wasn’t sure if I wanted a relationship.
We got married quite quickly- 2 years or so after meeting, and we were married for 4 years.
Looking back, there weren’t any definitive red flags early on in our relationship.
He was very mature for his age; he’s 2 years younger than me. He loved God, and you could see that in him. He was always trying to better himself and his relationship with God. He was kind to people, and had a very warm personality, albeit a slightly quirky one. I was originally an unbeliever and I found God through him.
I got pregnant, and almost immediately after giving birth to our daughter, the abuse was daily.
It’s like a switch went off in his head and he started drinking excessively. To the point where he would go out after work, turn his phone off, and come home the next morning or night. He was drinking at work and lost multiple jobs over it.
He would verbally abuse me on a daily basis. He called me worthless, fat, ugly, a bad mother, and a bad wife. One time he told me he wished I would die because I didn’t bring any value to his life.
He also cheated on me with many women. When I would find out about him cheating, he would lie and tell me I was crazy and controlling.
It was a huge struggle because I began to believe everything he was telling me. I ended up not taking care of myself, my hair fell out, and I began passing out a lot- probably from stress and not eating right. I had nothing left at the end of the day. I was barely alive.
The last straw for me was at the end of 2018 when I came across the “Love over Addiction” podcast and really implemented it to my life. I listened to it constantly and I detached from him completely. I learned that I had no control over him or his addiction, and that I didn’t cause it.
Around April 2019, he was drinking and threw his car keys in my face, pushed me to the ground, and told me once again how worthless I was. I had saved enough money and detached from him so much that I was able to say “Enough”.
I don’t think I was ever scared of him. I felt sorry for him and for who he had become, because I remember who he was before and his heart. I believe that the man I married is still in there somewhere, he’s just very lost and me and my daughter won’t be dragged down with him.
I hope one day he addresses his alcohol issues, along with his anger, need to please people (which I think played a big role in him drinking to begin with), and other deep-rooted emotions he is running away from. I hope he comes back to God. I pray that happens for him.
I learned from this experience that I am stronger than I ever imagined. I am not who he says I am, only who God says I am. I learned to never again give so much power to someone’s words that they control me.
There have been days where I was so drained, running on no sleep, sick and taking care of a sick toddler, depressed and at the lowest of my life, and I still made it through.
There were days where I would wake up from passing out and hitting my head on the floor, begging him to come home and help and he wouldn’t, and I STILL made it through.
I am built to last. I am a great mother. I practically raised her all by myself through the darkest time of my life, and if I can overcome that, I can overcome anything.
Since filing for divorce, I haven’t had any relationships. I have dated here and there, but nothing serious. I have been trying to concentrate on myself for once, my daughter as always, and my career. I have always worn my heart on my sleeve, but I’m a lot more guarded with it. I don’t trust easy, that’s for sure.
I have definitely become okay with feeling my emotions, and not pushing them down or running away from them. I’m learning how to sit with my feelings, and that it’s okay to feel a certain way but to not to let it control me.
My hope for the future is to not project onto another person or bring my hurt into my next relationship.
I want women who have been/are going through the same things as me to know: you are worth so much more than you could ever imagine. Just getting out of bed in the morning is a HUGE accomplishment for someone who has experienced what you have. Be strong and don’t believe the lies. Stand up for yourself and say no…”enough!”
God loves you too much for you to be stuck in an abusive relationship. He doesn’t want that for your life. He has a purpose for you and to be abused by your husband/partner is not it. Staying in an abusive marriage is not it. Don’t let one person dictate your future.
Yes, being lonely sucks. Yes, having to work so hard to provide sucks. Yes, the future is scary, but what is even more scary is staying in the same place.
I was fearful of the same things. I was putting up with it/allowing the abuse in hopes he would change, and telling myself it’s better than being a single mom, but that is not true.
A year and a half for me felt like a lifetime. What was meant to be the best time/experience of my life was overshadowed by abuse and addiction from someone who was meant to love me unconditionally. Press into God. Forgive, and be free.
Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)